I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
