Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
50% drunk capacity currently
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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