Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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