I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He uses pillows to masturbate.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
