dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
