Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
