She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
