we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
