So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
