Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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