my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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