I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He did a backflip because drugs
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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