just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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