So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
