I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
