i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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