the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
