Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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