So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
