she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
