You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
