That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
