his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
