the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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