my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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