I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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