And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
