i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
