i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
