I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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