yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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