I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
