I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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