just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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