I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
