I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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