No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
