My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
