So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
