Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
