Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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