plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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