Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
