All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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