Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
