never play flip cup with pint glasses
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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