I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
