You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize