I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
