dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
