She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
