u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
