Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
