You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
