Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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