I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
