he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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