I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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