Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
