I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
