cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
