oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
