I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
