New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
