Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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