i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
