I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
