Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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