may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
