Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
