I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
