i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
