for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we're making bets on your personal life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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