I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
