mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
