he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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