The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
COCAINE IS GR8
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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