Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
